Preludes to an Apocalypse: Prophecies for 2012

by on Dec.29, 2011

I think we can all agree that 2011 was a convincing warm-up to the Apocalypse. For those of you wondering what’s on tap for 2012, rest assured that we are almost there. In the spirit of popular end-of-the-year lists, below is a compilation of apocalyptic preludes for the coming year (with the main event currently scheduled for 2013):

  • There will be ongoing intermediate-level earthquakes in odd locales (a la the Colorado and Virginia quakes of 2011) and at least one large earthquake along a major fault line.
  • The price of basic necessities like food and oil will rise significantly due to currency volatility, geopolitical instability, unusual climate activity, and systemic phenomenon like peak oil and peak water.
  • Greece will pull out of the Eurozone.
  • The Fed will initiate another round of Quantitative Easing (QE) in an effort to postpone collapse of the global Keynesian system and as part of its escalating currency war with China.
  • The price of gold will pass $3,000/oz.
  • Ron Paul will not be the Republican nominee for U.S. president, despite popular support that outpaces all other candidates including Mitt Romney, who will be declared the official nominee.
  • Paul will choose to run as a 3rd party candidate, receiving clandestine support from globalist and Republican insiders who don’t want Romney to be president either (i.e. so that Paul will split “the conservative vote”).
  • The Euro will collapse and the Eurozone will dissolve, triggering multiple major corporate bankruptcies and bank runs across the world.
  • The U.S. will invade Iran prior to the U.S. presidential election, further destabilizing the region and escalating tensions with China/Russia.
  • Obama will be reelected U.S. president with a total vote count that is less than Romney and Paul combined.
  • OWS activities will expand and escalate into violence, though much if not all of this violence will be instigated by COINTELPRO-style infiltrators in an attempt to discredit the movement.
  • Protests and riots unaffiliated with OWS, including violent flash mobs, will become the new global “meme”.
  • FEMA camps will be used to detain political dissidents and societal malcontents in the U.S. following mass arrests after protests and riots.
  • There will be a false flag “terrorist” event in the continental U.S. of the chemical, biological, radiological, or nuclear variety.
  • Increased solar activity will lead to repeated interruptions of service provided by electronic infrastructures toward the end of the year.
  • Anonymous will raise the stakes and escalate its sporadic cyber attacks into a full-on cyber war against major financial and political institutions.
  • Assassinations and attempted assassinations of key players in the behind-the-scenes global control matrix will be a recurring theme.
  • Escalating tensions between China/Russia and U.S./UK/etc. will lead to isolated military incidents and the precipice of WWIII.
  • And much more!

    Sound off below with your own prophecies and counter-prophecies —

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    8 comments for this entry:
    1. Lazer

      Effectively a Coronal mass injection.

    2. Dan Hoy

      Lazer I think you’re confusing “coronal mass ejection” and “hot beef injection” but regardless we’re on the same page

    3. BrideofChucky

      •Charles Bukowski will continue to influence blog posts.

    4. Dan Hoy

      On cue, Anonymous releases its “Survival Guide for Citizens in a Revolution”:

      [Excerpt below]

      Noticing the First Signs:

      Revolutions don’t just happen instantly over night, they develop over long periods of struggle. So keep your eyes and ears open for signs of a coming uprising, such as:

      – Civil unrest prior to riots in the major cities.
      – Politicians and media blatantly lying about the most obvious developments.
      – Censorship of social networks such as Twitter or Facebook. This may not be entirely obvious at first but when the sites are blocked completely the warnings are clear (with excuses like child pornography).
      – Censorship of old media such as newspapers and television (non-regime critical press).
      – Arrests of political opposition leaders (In Tunisia the leaders of the Pirate Party were rounded up and imprisoned without charge. The prison was subsequently burnt down with many people dying inside).
      – In times of crisis many rumours will spread around and fear mongering is rampant. Be calm, think before you act rashly.
      – The #Hashtag of your country, or name of your political leader is trending worldwide on Twitter.
      – Friends and family members living abroad may try to contact you to check if you are alright.

    5. carina

      for the past week I have been having prophecy-dreams mostly involving the role of american poets in the apocalypse by which I mean not necessarily the end of the world but a shift in the cosmic age. in addition to the end of the mayan calendar 2012 is the end of the age of pisces and the beginning of the age of aquarius. so one of our options is that we can run around the streets in dramatic outfits singing revolutionary poemsongs like they do in HAIR. other prophecies include:

      — women poets in park-slope internment camps, mothering actual children and infantile male poets, sharing the duties as a community so that they might write books
      — public middle schools will be converted into equestrian training facilities for pre-teen girls, such that there might be a skilled cavalry for the revolution
      — nobody will have bodies anymore

    6. Henry Swanson

      I predict that there will be a backlash against nice people with internet connections, coffee grinders and soft hands talking jive about Apocalyptic(tm) type shit that 99% of the rest of the real world deals with on a daily basis ;-/

      Love, Henry

    7. Jared

      Dan, this list rocks the world in 2012. I think I’ll take a sleeping pill for most of the craziness since it’s pretty much foregone conclusion to everyone except the politicians who just won’t admit it because they still think they need to pretend to win elections. I mean, it might as well have already happened. The irony that the craziest shit to happen in 70 years or so will probably continue to happen in 2012 is that no one on earth is going to be surprised when it does. No one.

      Carina, you’ve been drinking or smoking or otherwise intaking too much of something. 😉 Wild, wild stuff. And is there a type of male poet other than the infantile one?

      There’s always the option to put our heads between our legs and kiss away…wait a minute, where’d my ass go?!